The Hamster Wheel of Seeking Growth

Over the past two decades, I’ve lived in a near-constant state of seeing and sensing my potential, while looking at the stark contrast that has been showing up in my daily life.

Daily life has shown me this is where I am, not where I’ve convinced myself I should be. The experience of sensing where you are, and where you could be, can create diverse sets of experiences.

Through one lens, it can create inspiration and a healthy determination to step into and experience an expression of a greater version of yourself.

Through another, it can clarify where to focus yourself in your growth. Enhancing your relationships, connection with spirit, how you care for your body, and more.

Yet another, you may experience the near-constant gap as something that says the current moment is never enough, nor are you. This may result in a persistent state of dissatisfaction right here and now.

I’ve lived all three of these simultaneously.

The determination and clarity of where to focus myself, has been helpful. It has enabled me to keep expanding what is possible for my life and how I engage with the world.

Yet, it has taken most of the past two decades mentioned above, to see how I’ve also been consistently dissatisfied with the current reality of my life. And see this from the lens of what it keeps me from.

The ever-present, and yet, sneaky ‘this is never enough’, has made enjoying much of anything for more than a few seconds, impossible. It has kept me in a constant loop of pushing and striving for more. Often, at the cost of enjoying experiences and processes along the way.

Mentally, I could argue that if I didn’t have the dissatisfaction, I would not have devoted myself as I have to growth.

There’s a grain of truth in that. Mentally, I could rationalize that dissatisfaction is a necessary ingredient for change. That too, holds a grain of truth. A grain.

Over the past 6–7 years, I’ve consistently revisited these questions,

“What is enough?”

And

“How can I experience enough, while continuing to engage my growth?”

The first question has repeatedly pointed to a mindless seeking and chasing that could never be satisfied. Money is a great example.

There’s a difference between seeking money to satiate a feeling versus covering the expenses of your life. They easily become intertwined and confused.

It has taken me years to discover and embrace that no amount of money will ever provide the feeling of wholeness and safety that I was chasing.

Life gifted me with this realization when I experienced that not much changed between a full bank account and a near-empty one.

The second question has required me to face numerous emotional and mental processes that have kept me living in the hamster wheel of never enough.

As I write to you today, there are moments where I watch my mind tell me if only I had X. Or if only I experienced Y. I would be okay.

I’ve come to discover that this is largely an illusion. This realization has required me to face myself in the mirror more and more.

Leaving you and me today with this question….

What’s possible for us when we engage our growth potential, while satisfied with what is here, right now?

Thank you for reading.

Be well,

Matthew